well you can't waste a boner
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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