I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
