Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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