I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My bed smells like the plague
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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