wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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