remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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