She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
