i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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