Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
