Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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