You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
