I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she told me i tasted like america
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
