Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
