Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
