What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize