i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
