I forgot how hot balto sounded
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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