READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
