The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
