dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize