Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He kissed a someone with a penis
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
