Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
