i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
