Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
