but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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