cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
