Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
