the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i out mim tonsoeep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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