I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
