Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
