textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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