I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
