the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Less talking, more tequila
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
