oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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