Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
