Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
