Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
