My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize