wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
