last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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