Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
