Redeem this text for a blowjob
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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