Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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