so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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