My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
