You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
