it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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