Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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