i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do herpes really smell.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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