I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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