after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Drake has all the answers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
