She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
