what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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