There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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