I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
