She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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