It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
