Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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