Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize