Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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