Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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