my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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