you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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