She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
