it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
