Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
