I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
