Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
