Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
