I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
