Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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