I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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