my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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