the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
