8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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