i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
