i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
