my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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